Make new friends and keep the old . . .
What is it about adulthood that makes it so difficult to make new friends? Are we set in our stubborn ways? Do we think, "I've made it this far, why do I need more friends now?" Or is it that we are afraid? Afraid of being vulnerable? Afraid of connecting with someone else? Afraid of being ourselves? Afraid of being rejected?

I find that going on playdates is much like a first date--awkward at best, a one playground stand at worst. Fortunately, since we've moved alot lately, I've gotten much better at community making--necessary for staying sane while staying at home with a toddler.

I pour over the internet for blogs mentioning austin play groups or I traverse the murky waters of meetup.com or become a lurker on yahoo group chat rooms. All in the hopes of finding that special connection.

I've been on three planned blind playdates and one spontaneous and unexpected meeting at the Whole Foods in the last week and a half. I get ready for the play date with the new friends in mind. I don't want to appear too trendy--nobody like a mom who has time to shop but at the same time, I don't want to appear depressed--nobody wants to be a designated cheerleader for the new mom. My standard playdate outfit has become jeans (not freshly washed), my green jacket (I look happy in green) and my funky earrings (always a conversation starter).

Then comes the diaper bag choice--do you go with the black-I-just-moved-from-nyc-so-everything-I-own-is-black bag or the monogrammed "Baby Lee" bag that is cute yet practical. I usually choose the green bag because it matches my shoes.

Oh and don't get me started on dressing Tivon. This takes hours of thought and preoccupation.

And please don't ask me to bring a snack. THat is just too much pressure.

So far I've gotten one mom's digits. I'm thinking I'm doing pretty well for a week and a half. But now the big question is--when do I call the new mom friend? Or do I call at all? Maybe I should just email. I don't want to appear desperate. I want her to feel okay saying, "no" if the feelings weren't mutual. Surely, she wants to be my friend . . . but what if she doesn't? What if she didn't think Tivon was a good playmate for her son. What if she figures out that I have adult acne and I watch American Idol and I am desperate, desperate for friendship. Maybe I'll wait another day to contact her.

Please tell me that this gets better once the kids are in school.